My name is Nikky. I have a mental illness.

21/06/2023

"My name is Nikky. I have a mental illness. You can’t see it, as it’s inside of me, mostly hidden away. Back in 2003, I had my first experience involving my panic and anxiety disorder. Out of the blue, my palms became very sweaty, and my hands trembled violently. I was having a panic attack.

I knew I couldn’t drive a car. My fears became worse, and depression took hold of me. I didn’t think I could continue. I just wanted it all to go away.

But then I rang Beyond Blue. And they talked me through all the things that matter in life. Even when you feel like you’re hitting rock bottom, they’re there to pick up the pieces and help you see how worthy you really are. I can’t speak highly enough of Beyond Blue. They saved my life.

This experience gave me a foundation for coping with my next tragic life event. Five years ago, my eldest daughter and I were in our car, and Mum and Dad were following us in their car. We couldn’t believe what unfolded behind us. Mum and Dad’s car had sped at a hundred kilometers per hour into the ditch, rolling and rolling and rolling. We found out later that Dad had an epileptic episode. His leg had stiffened, hitting the accelerator, while he was blacked out. He'd never had an episode before, and he's never had one since. My daughter and I immediately did a U-turn. I ran to them. Mum and Dad were both unconscious, surrounded by smashed air bags, glass, steam and dust. Dad was bleeding everywhere. And for Mum, there was no sign of life.

I looked over and could see my daughter was inside the car, treating Mum and Dad. She was in her third year of nursing at the time, and she saved their lives at the scene until the helicopter came. I was wandering around in a daze.

When we arrived at emergency, Mum and Dad were both in intensive care, severely injured. Family was everywhere, and everyone was in such a state. Dad survived, and healed, physically. Mum woke up after a week, and we were able to tell her that we loved her. But thirteen days after the accident, she passed away.

I now have PTSD. I live with it every night. The nightmares have been exhausting and terrifying. I decided to call Beyond Blue again. I asked them what I should do, as this was so new to me. I kept having flashbacks and nightmares.

Beyond Blue were able to get through to me. They’re trained to ask the right questions, and help you find the right support. I’m now learning how to turn the flashbacks into memories, and the nightmares have eased. Talking about the accident has become easier.

Thank you for listening to my story. I encourage you to support Beyond Blue's work. They saved my life. That’s how important they are. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Beyond Blue.”

If you have been moved by Nikky’s story, and would like to help more people like her, please consider making a gift to Beyond Blue today, and help the team answer every call. Downer is a major partner again this year, matching all donations up to $250,000. Give today here.